Jason: This was a big weekend for peeps passing away – Christopher Hitchens, Vaclav Havel, and Kim Jung Il.
Me: Yes, it was. Though, I did not find out about Kimmy until this morning. That’s what I get for watching Hallmark and Lifetime almost exclusively on Sunday.
Jason: Let’s also not forget to mourn the passing of the Sanctity of Marriage, which suffered a chronic months-long illness induced by Kim Kardashian and her now ex-husband.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Zee Germans
Laura: For some reason, nazi-stolen art is a theme that keeps coming up in my life
Me: Well perhaps if you hadn't conspired with Henrich all those years ago people wouldn't bring it up so much. But that Monet over your fireplace IS breathtaking
Laura: It is.
Me: Well perhaps if you hadn't conspired with Henrich all those years ago people wouldn't bring it up so much. But that Monet over your fireplace IS breathtaking
Laura: It is.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Hundred Years War
Jason: Also, for the record: Earl Grey tea with French Vanilla creamer tastes almost exactly like Chapstick.
Shayne: That’s exactly what you get should you try to bring the French and English together on anything other than their own terms.
Shayne: That’s exactly what you get should you try to bring the French and English together on anything other than their own terms.
Friday, October 28, 2011
It's the first time, the last time... we ever met
Jason: Guess what, 50 M Street? This is actually a “Rendering and Clip Art Gallery” and not a “Photo Gallery”. Just to be clear. http://www.halfstreet.com/photo-gallery/
Me: I would like to talk about the “photo” of the blonde woman and the out of focus guy with the champagne and two glasses, one I’m sure has GHB in the bottom. Her well sculpted arms say; I can defend myself, but her eyes say “Help me, I don’t know where I am anymore”
Laura: That photo does reek of American Psycho. I can hear the phil Collins coming in the air tonight.
Oh. Lord.
Me: I heard that song was about a murder he witnessed, and he invited the murderer to the concert where he played that song, and then they arrested the guy… Or his divorce.
Laura: I heard it was about his affinity for fruit loops and how he’s totally pissed they don’t sell them in England.
Me: I heard it was a break up song he wrote with Starlee Klein.
http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/339/break-up
Jason: I heard it was about warning new Englanders the Redcoats were coming.
Laura: I heard it was about the time he left his cake out in the rain. And he was totally bummed because he would never get that recipe again.
Me: I heard it was rejected script he wrote for “Are you Afraid of the Dark”.
Me: I would like to talk about the “photo” of the blonde woman and the out of focus guy with the champagne and two glasses, one I’m sure has GHB in the bottom. Her well sculpted arms say; I can defend myself, but her eyes say “Help me, I don’t know where I am anymore”
Laura: That photo does reek of American Psycho. I can hear the phil Collins coming in the air tonight.
Oh. Lord.
Me: I heard that song was about a murder he witnessed, and he invited the murderer to the concert where he played that song, and then they arrested the guy… Or his divorce.
Laura: I heard it was about his affinity for fruit loops and how he’s totally pissed they don’t sell them in England.
Me: I heard it was a break up song he wrote with Starlee Klein.
http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/339/break-up
Jason: I heard it was about warning new Englanders the Redcoats were coming.
Laura: I heard it was about the time he left his cake out in the rain. And he was totally bummed because he would never get that recipe again.
Me: I heard it was rejected script he wrote for “Are you Afraid of the Dark”.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Part Deux (We will never forget)
Part Deux (We will never forget)
Laura has pointed out to me in my rush to update you on phone privacy policies of teenagers and when to divorce your hooker wife, I’ve forgotten key details of the best show on Monday nights at 8pm on ABC Family.
Let’s start with the plot point that started it all – the offspring of Ricky and Amy – John. I don’t know if it was being conceived on a couch at Band Camp, or maybe it was being ignored for the first 5 months of his existence, or perhaps it’s the Robitusin that producers give the child actors before each of his scenes – but that kid is constantly out of it. Someone needs to eraser Lil’ John from his phone and get him off the Purple Drank.
Things I learned about grief recovery from Adrian: #1. Punching multiple holes in a gyp board wall will not break your hand like I previously thought, #2. The best way to lose your baby weight is to put on some spandex and gym shoes and walk around the neighborhood listening to “Rolling in the Deep”, it only takes one walk to get back to your fighting weight, #3. After losing your baby in the third trimester it’s best to just put on some tight clothes (remember you’re skinny again because you went Rolling in the Deep) and seduce your estranged husband so you can get pregnant again, #4. When everyone thinks you’re crazy, what with your overacting and crazy eyes, just throw yourself into trying to get Ricky back, because you know – that won’t ruin everything.
Oh, and stuff is going on with the Wonder Twins. Everyone’s favorite token/ginger pairing. But all you need to know about them is that they are super whinny and demanding of anyone’s time they encounter. The best thing that happened to Madison was that her dad treated her like a reverse hooker (i.e. paid her NOT to have sex with Jack). Now I’m wondering why I didn’t make a similar deal with my dad in high school. I could have paid for my college tuition.
And finally, I would like to discuss Adrian’s mom… why Adrian’s mom you ask? Well because right after her daughter got married in high school and then lost her baby, what did she do? She left for the Hampton’s and got herself knocked up by Eastern European royalty (on the show Royal Pains), only to leave that man in the lurch to fly to Shreveport, LA to inhabit the body of a witch and kill as many vampires as possible (True Blood). Good thing she’s a flight attendant and can fly for free otherwise all that flying can really drain your bank account.
Laura has pointed out to me in my rush to update you on phone privacy policies of teenagers and when to divorce your hooker wife, I’ve forgotten key details of the best show on Monday nights at 8pm on ABC Family.
Let’s start with the plot point that started it all – the offspring of Ricky and Amy – John. I don’t know if it was being conceived on a couch at Band Camp, or maybe it was being ignored for the first 5 months of his existence, or perhaps it’s the Robitusin that producers give the child actors before each of his scenes – but that kid is constantly out of it. Someone needs to eraser Lil’ John from his phone and get him off the Purple Drank.
Things I learned about grief recovery from Adrian: #1. Punching multiple holes in a gyp board wall will not break your hand like I previously thought, #2. The best way to lose your baby weight is to put on some spandex and gym shoes and walk around the neighborhood listening to “Rolling in the Deep”, it only takes one walk to get back to your fighting weight, #3. After losing your baby in the third trimester it’s best to just put on some tight clothes (remember you’re skinny again because you went Rolling in the Deep) and seduce your estranged husband so you can get pregnant again, #4. When everyone thinks you’re crazy, what with your overacting and crazy eyes, just throw yourself into trying to get Ricky back, because you know – that won’t ruin everything.
Oh, and stuff is going on with the Wonder Twins. Everyone’s favorite token/ginger pairing. But all you need to know about them is that they are super whinny and demanding of anyone’s time they encounter. The best thing that happened to Madison was that her dad treated her like a reverse hooker (i.e. paid her NOT to have sex with Jack). Now I’m wondering why I didn’t make a similar deal with my dad in high school. I could have paid for my college tuition.
And finally, I would like to discuss Adrian’s mom… why Adrian’s mom you ask? Well because right after her daughter got married in high school and then lost her baby, what did she do? She left for the Hampton’s and got herself knocked up by Eastern European royalty (on the show Royal Pains), only to leave that man in the lurch to fly to Shreveport, LA to inhabit the body of a witch and kill as many vampires as possible (True Blood). Good thing she’s a flight attendant and can fly for free otherwise all that flying can really drain your bank account.
Who's the Boss
Melissa Joan Hart and Joey Lawrence have a new show, like you didn’t know. I know you watched their movie on ABC Family “My Fake Fiancé” a few years ago and said – those two crazy kids need to be on my flat screen for at least 30 minutes a week. And yes, I will DVR that.
Let me explain the set up to you… Clarissa is a Toledo Council woman who’s brother was the head of a ponzi scheme. He goes to jail, like ya do. And she ends up having to care for his two high school kids. She’s totally freaked because she doesn’t know how to take care of kids, good thing she lives in a 4 bedroom house in the suburbs (which I’m pretty sure was the set of Reba, but I really don’t like showing my hand like that and letting you know that I know enough about the show Reba to ID it’s set).
Anyway, before you can say I wonder if the Reba set was just really the Boy Meets World set, Joey shows up. Apparently he lost all his money in that Ponzi scheme and wants revenge, or a job. Sabrina gives him a job as her nanny. Since their both executive producers of this show and it’s a down economy in Ohio, he accepts this demeaning position. Hilarious antics ensue.
Now, nothing really memorable or noteworthy happens in the first season. But over the break, something phenomenal occurs. Joseph Lawrence decided to grow out his hair. He has been shaving his head since his “Bring Back Blossom” protest, I think. And like most men that go “voluntarily bald I think we all just assumed he was going naturally bald. But that appears to not be the case.
I say congrats Mr. Lawrence for finally ending your protest, and you know who we can thank for that? Mayim Bialik. I think it’s no coincidence that she came back to television on Secret Life and Big Bang Theory right around the same time Joey finally decided to bring back his awesome locks. Now we just have to see what Luke Perry has been doing with his hair lately…
Let me explain the set up to you… Clarissa is a Toledo Council woman who’s brother was the head of a ponzi scheme. He goes to jail, like ya do. And she ends up having to care for his two high school kids. She’s totally freaked because she doesn’t know how to take care of kids, good thing she lives in a 4 bedroom house in the suburbs (which I’m pretty sure was the set of Reba, but I really don’t like showing my hand like that and letting you know that I know enough about the show Reba to ID it’s set).
Anyway, before you can say I wonder if the Reba set was just really the Boy Meets World set, Joey shows up. Apparently he lost all his money in that Ponzi scheme and wants revenge, or a job. Sabrina gives him a job as her nanny. Since their both executive producers of this show and it’s a down economy in Ohio, he accepts this demeaning position. Hilarious antics ensue.
Now, nothing really memorable or noteworthy happens in the first season. But over the break, something phenomenal occurs. Joseph Lawrence decided to grow out his hair. He has been shaving his head since his “Bring Back Blossom” protest, I think. And like most men that go “voluntarily bald I think we all just assumed he was going naturally bald. But that appears to not be the case.
I say congrats Mr. Lawrence for finally ending your protest, and you know who we can thank for that? Mayim Bialik. I think it’s no coincidence that she came back to television on Secret Life and Big Bang Theory right around the same time Joey finally decided to bring back his awesome locks. Now we just have to see what Luke Perry has been doing with his hair lately…
Monday, August 29, 2011
Yellowstone Funtimes
Jason: I have the feeling Yellowstone is going to be crazy crowded on Saturday, but at least we have the benefit of doing the less-crowded side of the park that day….
Me: Is that side less crowded because it’s been thinned out by the bears? If yes, I’m not sure I want to go to that side.
Kristen: I'll bring bear spray for you. Or cowbells. Either one should work, right?
Laura: I hear if you bang 2 sticks together, it keeps the bears away. Saw it in a movie once. *
(Kristen: Parent Trap w/Lindsay Lohan!! )
Me: Can bears read? If so, maybe I should just wear my “Personal Area” t-shirt.
Jason: My understanding is that bears are “close talkers.”
Me: Is that side less crowded because it’s been thinned out by the bears? If yes, I’m not sure I want to go to that side.
Kristen: I'll bring bear spray for you. Or cowbells. Either one should work, right?
Laura: I hear if you bang 2 sticks together, it keeps the bears away. Saw it in a movie once. *
(Kristen: Parent Trap w/Lindsay Lohan!! )
Me: Can bears read? If so, maybe I should just wear my “Personal Area” t-shirt.
Jason: My understanding is that bears are “close talkers.”
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